[hectorberlioz]

The Epic of Jonathan and Hector
and Those Others Who Helped Defeat
The Balrog of Fangorn

A bright early morning on a certain day,
Was perfect for Hector's persecution.
The court gathered 'round all to say,
His sentence and method o' execution.

And they hurled the vilest lies a' him,
pretending to lay down the law,
But honesty knows t'was on a whim,
And shame on those who saw.

But Hec could take it not a moment more,
and challenged Jon to a deathly duel;
So they fought like warriors past of lore,
Which was actually pretty cool.

Hector with his blade of purest light,
Made his foe a sting to feel;
Jonathan in turn was strong with might,
With blade of mithril-steel.

But as they fought over the chasm deep,
There arose a great and ancient terror;
A balrog risen from a slumb'ring sleep,
They had waken'd by some foolish error.

And now the giant, ugly, demon he,
Raised his whip above his head;
It waved in th'air for all to see,
Down it crashed, and widely spread.

And fright was in all the hearts
Of those who stood to witness thus,
Such a beast of such ghastly parts,
With head and horns and muchly plus.

Jonathan, Hector, and all the rest
Of Entmoot's bravest drew their arms:
And with them did their very best
To stop the giant balrog's harms.

Acally, president o' the Moot,
at the head with steel-toed boot;
Varnafinde, archer quick of eye,
Shot an arrow to the balrog's breast,
And quite on target, nothing shy,
It hit him square i' the chest.
Gwaimir, lord of the eagles,
Mari with her loopy lasso,
Sane with her hunting beagles,
and Tessar the mighty basso;
Insidious with daggers furtive,
Troll's Bane's atlatl 'ssertive;
Coffeehouse, the overseer,
Valandil with his valiant crew,
Inked with his draughty beer
Earniel, Midge, and Noble too;
All these warriors at the front,
Hurling weapons, sharp and blunt.

And with a mighty crash to the earth,
The balrog fell hard onto his bum,
And the fighters gave him dearth
of beatings more, and thenly some.

So the balrog was defeated there and then,
and now lies a large lump on the forest floor.
And the birds now rest on it in that glen,
leaving lovely off'rings, much to store.

The heroes of it all, they still stand,
And if you go to central Entmoot-Town
Two statues there are placed and grand:
Both on horse with cape and crown.